I started this blog a couple of years ago while I was in India with the sole purpose of posting photos of India, so my people back home could see what I was up to. What I was up to was trying to enjoy a fascinating trip to India while battling a head cold that arrived on the second day of the trip and came home with me two weeks later. But that’s another story.
So, I have this blog already set up, and now I want to start writing. It has been sitting idle, holding my India pictures, for two years. But now I want to write. Maybe even make some money doing it somehow. But I need practice. I need to practice being brave enough to put my thoughts out there for the world to see. I am super private, so sharing any of my thoughts for the world to see is like doing yard work naked … in the front yard, close to the street … but I really want to do it (the writing, not the yard work). I have stuff to say, and I say everything better when I write it down, so that’s what I should do.
All blogs have an “About Me” page. I always read them. I am endlessly fascinated by other people’s ability to hone in on who they are and put it in writing. I also wonder how true to life they really are. They often sound so, “Look at me and my humble awesomeness!” or “Here I am, weirdness and all. Take it or leave it!” That said, I need to write an “About Me” about me.
I’ve read lot of other About Me pages. Somehow, I seem to think that reading other About Me pages will help me figure out who the heck I am, so I can write my own. This makes absolutely no sense. I’m well aware of this fact. But that’s what I do. All these people seem to have pegged who they are, at least to the degree that they could put a blurb in writing on an About Me page. But I wonder, if I actually met these people, would I think they match their About Me profile? Or would I become disillusioned at how utterly different from their About Me profile they actually seem to be? Is it who they really are, or is it who they want people to think they are? And does reading their About Me page really give me any particularly useful insight into who they are, allowing me to better consume their writing? Not really.
But if you have a blog, you have to have an About Me page. So …
What should I write About Me? I know that if I write something today, I will read it tomorrow or in a week or in a month, and I will think, “What in the heck was I thinking? That’s not who I am at all.” Because yesterday, I felt like one person. Today, I feel just a little bit different. And tomorrow, well, who knows what tomorrow will bring? So, how can I write anything About Me and think it is ever going to hold water? I would have to rewrite it every day.
But, you know, I can do that. I can rewrite it every day, if that’s what I think I need to do. Like new software versions, I evolve. Sometimes for the better. Sometimes for the worse.
Perhaps my delay is because I am in transition. Maybe I’m not quite sure who I am. Six months ago, I had a job. I didn’t love it. I didn’t hate it. But I had a job as a graphic designer in a corporate marketing department. When people asked me what I did, I had an answer. Then, the layoffs happened. And in the time it took for my department head to utter the words, “Your position has been eliminated,” I was no longer a graphic designer in a corporate marketing department. I was an unemployed graphic designer who, frankly, didn’t really feel like being a graphic designer anymore.
So, what About Me?
The fact is, I know who I am. I know what gives me energy. I know what depletes me. I know what I care about. I know what I couldn’t care less about. I know who matters to me. I know who doesn’t deserve my time and attention. I like doing research and pouring over details, but I need to see the big picture, too. I love people, but I loathe social events. I like talking with people, but I hate the telephone. I could sit all day, listening to people tell me their life story. I’ve always loved a good story. And everyone has one. And then I’d love to come home and write about them. And if I could figure out how to make a living doing that? Wow.
I love my family. I love my friends. I love my feline best bud, Oliver.
I am a pluviophile. I learned this word last year, and I love it. It means that I am a person who finds joy and peace in the rain. So completely true! I love rainy days so much more than their sunny counterparts. I love winter better than summer. I prefer stars to blue skies.
For the past year-and-a-half, I have been training to become a Spiritual Director. Every part of that training gives me energy. It lights me up. Everything we learn or read or experience in that program is life-giving to me. And what is it all about? Listening to someone’s story. Listening with the compassionate, contemplative ear of the heart. I am currently listening to my first directee as part of this training. I am hearing her story. Her hurts and hopes. Her disappointments and desires. It is challenging and scary at times. But it is also utterly satisfying.
I also know I like to write. But I have always been timid about putting my voice out there. I am on the extreme end of introversion. If you put my introverted and extraverted tendencies on either end of a teeter-totter, my introverted end would hit the ground with a hard thud that would send extroversion hurling out into the stratosphere. I savor my privacy and fiercely protect my time alone. I like sharing my thoughts, but I don’t like defending them. I harbor immense disdain for controversy. I don’t like being told what to do or how to do it, and I try not to impose my ideas on others.
Most of all, I love dancing with the mystery of life. The Divine has courted me for as long as I can remember. I have been a coy recipient of its advances. I have both shied away from its touch and invited its embrace. I am a spiritual tease. But I love the courtship.
So, I guess that’s all About Me. For now. Stay tuned for future versions.